The Toxic Truth About Gossip Culture

Everyone talks about everyone. People gossip about those around them and many even about their closest of friends. It’s a harsh truth, and to me, a toxic one. Perhaps talking about people behind their backs can be fun at the moment. It often acts as a bonding activity: people become closer together when they share a negative opinion towards another person. Yes, gossiping can be justified when an individual acts maliciously. If someone hurt me, it almost feels ethical to speak poorly about them.

Yet oftentimes, these “malicious” acts are exaggerated and the amount of talk is blown out of proportion. It’s so easy to get carried away in waves of targeted external slander, putting down others for perhaps only a moment’s worth of satisfaction. But is it really worth it?

According to the Law of Karma, whatever you throw out to the world always finds its way back to you. Gossip culture is bad energy. If you throw out bad energy, it will return to you. The more you talk about others, the more others will talk about you.

If you do not choose to believe in Karma, you can think about it this way: gossiping about a friend takes away from your character in the long run. The more others hear you speak poorly about your friends, the less trustworthy it will make you seem, even if this happens subconsciously. Over time, your friends that hear you gossiping will be more inclined to talk poorly about you.

Talking behind people’s back also weakens relationships. Strong connections with others are built upon trust and loyalty. When you speak negatively about a friend, your relationship with them loses power.

Even with these fixed consequences, there is always the risk of the person finding out. Whenever you say something about a person, no matter who it is or what it’s about, you bear some risk of this information getting back to them. Before you say anything about someone, think about what would happen if that person ever heard what you‘re about to say. What are the consequences? Do the benefits of gossiping outweigh the cost you will have to bear if they find out?

Maybe you don’t care if they find out. Maybe you don’t care enough about your relationship with that person, or maybe the information you say about them isn’t a secret. In either case, take it one step further. Zoom out of the situation and try to empathize with them. If you were in their shoes and heard the things that were said about them, how would you feel? Do they deserve the negative slander? Do they deserve this amount of it or the extent to which it's being taken?

We all have different values, and thus, maybe none of this speaks to you. Perhaps you see no problem with gossip culture. But to me, it doesn’t sit well. Like most humans, I too participate in gossip and have said things behind people’s backs. I am no saint whatsoever. It's also important to mention that light conversation about others is very different from cruel discussion about their characters. However in the past few years, I have made the active choice to refrain from gossip culture when I can. When a group of people are talking poorly upon a person, I often try to not contribute. Unless something someone does significantly bothers me, I do my best to avoid negative conversation about others.

It is oftentimes that when someone gossips, it has much more to do with them than whoever they are talking about. We may talk about others as a projection of some insecurity we hold or to relieve some anxiety at that moment. Despite the extent to which some gossip may be true, it is always in complete control of those who discuss it in what manner to do so and whether or not to even do so in the first place. There is usually more we can learn about the gossipers than whoever is being gossipped about. When I feel the need to talk poorly about another, I try and ask this myself beforehand: why do I have the urge to say this right now?

I'd like to create this rule in the game: minimize negative conversation about others. This does not just help maximize joy, but it decreases the spreading of toxic energy that affects society as a whole.

To summarize:

• Gossiping is toxic because:

  • It has negative energy. The Law of Karma states that you throw out bad energy, it will return to you.

  • It takes away from your character in the long run.

  • It weakenes relationships

  • The person you're talking about might find out.

  • The person you're talking about might not deserve this treatment

• It's often that gossip tells us much more about the gossiper than whoever they are gossiping about.